but it's damn near impossible when I'm hugely skeptical of everything I see, read, hear, etc.

I can't just accept, I've got to really think about why and how people say what they say.

And there's always a reason. No one just says something "just because." They have thought about it and decided to say that one particular sentence or phrase.

But really, only women think this way... I mean, if there is any other woman who is like me in this regard. Men don't think. They are another species all together. But it doesn't matter if they don't think about what they're going to say, once they say it, it's my job to analyze it and discover what he truly wants, means, etc.

Some men are more in tune with the sentimental, thoughtful side of the cognitive process, I think. Allen, for example, is a lot more sensitive than say... Wade. Well, no... Wade was a big teddy bear, truly. Allen is more sensitive than Bryan. Bryan was more of a guy-guy, while Allen is more... more... girl-guy...? No, that's not what I mean.

Allen will let me know how he feels and might even cry with me when he's really into it. I think I'm just typing what I think at this point. I usually write things down but then my wrists start hurting and now this way, just my fingers hurt! It's a win win.
Allen is not a girl-guy. If not for his silly antics of the past 9 months, he seems to be in a perfect balance between "Guy-who-will-defend-me-and-be-my-man" and "I-just-want-to-cuddle-and-hold-you-forever."

Seemingly, he might even be sweeter and softer than I am. I can be a real bitch to him. Especially these days... but I'm still really angry and he knows that. He's been patient and so far, he hasn't given up on me (again.)

Ugh. I roll my eyes. I hate how much he ruined things for us, but truthfully,

I think he's starting to build on a steady foundation again.
Steady, not perfect.

I know this much, no matter what he does from here on out, he can NEVER hurt me like he did before.
No one can.

:)

I'm thinking about having Emma naturally... like, no drugs...
...

...

No, I'll probably stick the epidual in myself.