He called me yesterday. For no reason. He's been doing that a lot lately and I think it's sweet.

We talk about his day, and my day...
and what we're going to do when I spend those six weeks in Savannah with him. He's so excited about taking me to places once I'm there, too excited to realize that we won't be able to go to those places without the baby.

I always have to gently remind him that If I'm going to be nursing, I won't be able to leave her anywhere for more than a couple of hours at a time.
We're doing well so far.

We choose not to get worked up about little things and when we talk about everything that has happened, we try to be as calm as possible. It's very hard to be calm when I tell him how everything around me was in ruins a few months ago. He tries his best to understand that I don't see myself trusting him or fogiving him for December, January and February. He understands that it's going to be very difficult for me to get into a relationship with anyone, especially him.

But I know he's trying to win me back. I know he's attempting to "court" me like we just met. I know he wants to mend everything but it's just not enough.
It's tough because he's being wonderful, it's tough because I love him, but to forgive him...? It's not in me.

I have too many horrible memories, lots of great ones but too many bad ones.

And the six weeks after Emma is born are going to be a test of how well we work with each other with one element thrown in: A baby girl.
I told him that if I still LIKE him after those weeks, we've done pretty well. I told him that I'm afraid of how difficult it's going to be, of how stressed out and tired we're going to be, of how much we'll argue...

If we can make it through those weeks and he still wants to be with me, then we can talk about our future together. And if we decide that being together is something we're going to commit to (especially him) then it's going to be a long and tough road ahead of us. But it will be worth it because Emma will have a Mom and a Dad that love each other and that's truly the most basic necessity she is entitled to.